Karma, Kool-Aid and the Guy Who Grounds Me

“Keep your heart open and love will always find its way in.” – Jane Seymour

Hopefully, when you run into your ex, you can hold your head up high and know you weren’t the one with the problems – and it makes you grateful for your current relationship. Such was the case for me on Saturday when I saw mine at a distance. I actually ran into him in late summer, doing community service. Talk about feeling a little karma, but I’ll spare the blog bashing.

This is about the man he could never be.

I don’t normally brag on my boyfriend because we live in reality rather than FB/internet land, and he thinks Facebook is stupid, but I truly believe he is the love of my life. I am not sure why it took 35 years to find the right guy; all I know is I am grateful I finally did. It’s not all been peaches and roses. What relationship is? But he doesn’t like drama and taught me a lot about sticking it out. He’s loyal, faithful, caring and kind. He makes me laugh, feel safe, and accepts me for me. He’s a pretty simple, humble guy. He’s not a “look at me,” let’s brag about everything we’re doing type.

He’s actually quite private … kind of funny he fell for a writer who has a tell-it-like-it-is nature and might be guilty of TMI at times. He rarely yells or complains, gets up and goes to work every day, and works hard – so hard he doesn’t really take a vacation or have time to sit on Facebook – and has paid most of our household bills and all of our entertainment for the last year and a half. And people wonder why we aren’t drinking the Kool-Aid when it comes to having kids? Money is one of many reasons.

I think women who grow up spoiled expect to be spoiled by a man. I am used to the guys who don’t want to work and use and take from me. Heck, in my 20s, I bought boyfriends cars, let them move in with me and use my credit because they didn’t have any. Cheap Muskegon douchebags wouldn’t pay for a date. I have never been one to “need” a guy. I’ve gone long periods without one, including four years before I met my current beau. I’m usually with one because I truly love them – douchebag, drug addict or loser, or not.

I actually ran off at 19 and married my high school boyfriend and first love. We only lasted a couple of years, but as someone who tattooed my name on their chest, he always held a special place in my heart. He unfortunately passed away at far too young of an age and the upcoming anniversary of his death also has been on my mind. It may sound odd, but during my recent single years, I started carry his Navy picture in my wallet … maybe he is one of my Angel Guides. I always figured he would want me to find a nice guy, someone who would take care of me, not yell at me, and make me laugh.

Reflecting on defining moments in my life these last few days, I believe there was a reason I met my current boyfriend. I had prayed to God/Universe/Creator, whatever you want to call it, and was so tired of dating jerks and being alone. If I would have moved in 2010 after I was laid off, or even in 2008 when I planned to pack up for Colorado (another instance of listening to my intuition that will be discussed in another post), my life would be totally different. It makes me sad to think of life without him. He truly has changed my life for the better.

This Thanksgiving was filled with a few of my favorite things – and another example of being true to me. After sleeping late with my boyfriend and Sugar Bear, who initially woke us up at 8 a.m. to watch birds and squirrels out the window, we drank coffee and watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. There was no traveling, visiting, drama, cooking or cleanup. We ate so much at The Lake House’s Thanksgiving Buffet we left with stomach aches and spent the afternoon in a carbohydrate-induced food coma. We drove by the Big Lake and enjoyed four inches of fresh snow. Then we napped and read the Black Friday ads with no intentions of shopping.

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We may never get married. I don’t mind. It fits with my independent Aquarian spirit; and he’s a Pisces. I would rather us be free to be in a relationship because we want to be rather than because some contract forces us to be. We may not last forever, but I will always be eternally grateful he has financially helped me through this self-employment transition, chose to love me during a low point of my life, and stayed strong when, due to my insecurities, childhood issues, and depression over not being able to find a job, I tried to push him away and even threatened to run away a few times.

His love and friendship doesn’t have a price tag. And I feel so blessed, proud and grateful to call him mine.

marlamus

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